she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
