thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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