oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
