We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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