I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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