Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's like iHOP with fire
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
