Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
