Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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