I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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