I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
