I puked a lego.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
try to milk me bitch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
