Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
