i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
