tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
