I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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