There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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