I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
