My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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