I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
