Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
