Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
