I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
