I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
