I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
