god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
