Already got asked if we're dating
i think my tv is drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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