Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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