Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
