census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
