i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize