my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
