I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
