just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
