I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
