So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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