Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
