I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
