I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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