He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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