Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
