the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
