so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
