These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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