He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MIDGETS
????
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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