i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
