I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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