i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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