I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
