Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
