Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
