did you get engaged???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So much rum. So many feels.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
