fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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