so explain again why im purple
no
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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