That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
