Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
