Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
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I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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