There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
