so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
